


Operation Spiderhorse

by qvcrossb (handschuhmaus)



Category: DCU, Get Smart - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (TV), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cults, F/F, F/M, Fae & Fairies, Gen, M/M, Multi, Spies & Secret Agents, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/qvcrossb
Summary: In which some avengers of something or other assemble themselves and a few other things, an overabundance of C.O.N.T.R.O.L. and similarly clever acronyms is had, and the days aren't saved per se but are nonetheless made a little better.





	Operation Spiderhorse

**Author's Note:**

> It should be noted that this is not so much the work of a fan with respect to the superheroes, but the work of someone who, acquainted with these characters mostly through fic, wants to write a not-quite-superhero story that they'd actually want to read. 
> 
> I don't generally like superheroes, and I'm not sure why.

[In a file marked Linen Sheets for Odin:]

**CONFIDENTIAL BULLETIN**

CONTROL file on:  
"OPERATION etre-IV"

Date opened: November 16, 1998

n.b. It may be asked why a spy organization dating from the sixties maintains a file on something which began practically on the eve of the new millennium. Part of the answer is that CONTROL is no longer a major big-budget operation, but just a handful of former spies keeping their eyes on subtle but credible threats to the public peace.

**COPIES AUTHORIZED FOR: Avengers, Inc.; U.N.C.L.E., **

January 18, 2010:  
We began to suspect plans afoot to steal Tesseract. Loki has been seen repeatedly in the installation's vicinity and organization podcasts now regularly mention upcoming domination of "extra-dimensional brainwashing tool". For more details see report XXXXX undefined

Agent 86

[Here the bulletin abruptly ends, or at least it's not continued on the other sheets of paper in the file. The next sheet is a business letter.]

January 31, 2010  
M. Peel  
[address redacted in this record]

My dear Monsieur Peel:

I have been contacted by a young woman who is very eager to leave her ...current associates. There are various reasons to believe legal persecution is not currently viable, but if possible, and if we can get her protection, she's willing to spill. 

You asked why I was so interested in the code books and the literature on world religion; for the present time I must defer an explanation and pique your curiosity further--are you aware of any therapists with experience on leaving...insular communities? Please forward recommendations via Emma.

I also ask if your contact could provide us with a Geiger counter and assorted basic vulcanological instruments. Preferably disguised in a shipment of antique tractor parts--G has a big project with a local farm.

Yours,  
Napoleon

[A handwritten note, singed on one edge, is paper-clipped to the back. An extract:]

We must implore you to delay such an operation (much as it does pain me!) until we can get additional evidence to have any hope of winning a case.

But I also must warn you of renewed attempts to assemble a SPECIAL fighting squad--there are those who believe wholeheartedly that such a thing will "end the labors of villains" John

[These are the only documents currently present in this file, unless you count another file which is stuck inside it and labeled A Heraldic Project. The papers within are printouts of photographs of other, printed pages. They may have been taken surreptitiously.]

SUBJECT: Natasha Romanov

SKILLS: soy*, seductress, gymnast, three languages

POTENTIAL ISSUES: brainwashed Russian agent. 

POSSIBLE TARGETS: any male who likes drop dead sexy redheads and can tolerate a chilly personality

CONFIDENTIAL

(A handwritten note below the photograph:)

*This appears to be a typo for spy, as we can find no evidence that Shield actually expects Natasha to have particular skills with Glycine max. This is not even her coffee preference!

SUBJECT: Tony Stark

SKILLS: computing genius, can fly 

POTENTIAL ISSUES: doesn't play well with authority. or rules.

POSSIBLE TARGETS: deploy only in situations of violence

(A handwritten note at the bottom of the page:)  
Ironically, do not seem aware of AgroStark.net and the current twin Edamame and CulturSoy projects.

SUBJECT: B. Banner (?)

SKILLS: violent and unbeatable when angry

POTENTIAL ISSUES: hard to get on our side. Tends to be a wimp most of the time.

POSSIBLE TARGETS: Hulk gotta smash the rebels like a @@.

(Handwritten:)  
Is that a typo in the name? It would surely be a waste to deploy Dr. B. to violence. Think along the lines of ...that strontium woman if you haven't met Dr. B.

SUBJECT: Steve Rogers/ Capt. America

SKILLS: inspiring patriotism and destroying enemies of the free world

POTENTIAL ISSUES: health problems due to awakening

POSSIBLE TARGETS: any and all!

(Handwritten:)  
I question whether we're dealing with "enemies of the free world" per se. Yes, we have a file on the enemy in question, but there's ample reason to doubt patriotism is an appropriate tool here. Case of man-with-hammer?

[The remaining pages are stapled together such that they cannot be readily opened and read. There is, however, a half sheet, a copy of a human interest story about Superman from St. Paul.]


End file.
